Miserable Isn't it!!!

120 bucks on cigarette and 30 bucks on food. That's how my life is actually going on for the last 30 days or so. Amidst all the happy friends who live in almost all the major cities of the country and some abroad its a prelude that I am left alone... miserably all alone. The frustration has attained the heights of Everest and my thoughts have attained depths of Mariana Trench. On the days when i wake up with virtually no desire to to go to office I bunk it with full courage. Results of which are seen on my monthly reports. I always extend my deadlines and I see my future going virtually nowhere. The road ahead is full of potholes and my car does not have a good suspension meaning I have to Suffer. The bleak and modernized world is a embodiment of frustration. Some are frustrated with their bosses, some with their roomies, some with the 6 days office culture, some with their friends, some with their salary, some with their friends girlfriends. We all are frustrated. A tshirt quote thus rightly says "No body dies virgin... Life screws all". As the words linger at the end of the day when i have cooked my own dal, chawal and bhaji and I say it was always better to be born with a silver spoon, the feel good factor dawns again "they are frustrated too". So I consider myself to be a part of the very big, screwed, dysfunctional engineering fraternity who has nothing creative to do except creating 2 excel sheets a day and posting 5 mails and reading 3 forwarded mails. The rosy days are going to come to an end. Soon we will be 23, the pressure of getting settled has picked up wind. The quest for which starts by joining IMS classes. We are all thus manifestations of youth powered by big institutional branding and very less substance.

The major conflicts of thoughts come generally at a time when I roam near Koregaon Park. For newbies and gaowalas KP is the woodstock of Pune, where you find very big grounds which provide ground for budding talent in rock, fusion, jazz, bhajan and bollywood music. Last week I have been to one such show with no intention towards music just to guzzle a can of kingfusher and see nice drunk girls. And to most of the "daal chawaal"  people reviews.. this place is certainly happening albeit hot. I drove 3 kms on a wintry december night on a 2nd hand pulsar to see some 20 BMWs and 30 Mercedes parked outside the lawn and some 50 other cars which we consider "hmmmmm". Good looking people everywhere with a drink in their hand and smoking some eloquent substance which is available at the rate of "simcard" in silchar and they say "oh S***" this feels heaven. I stood beside them for say a hour with my own pack and just listening to the music. There was a band from Mumbai which was singing some crap which they call their version of "Gothic rock". It reminded me of bands that feature in MTV ROCK ON. everybody out there was virtually exclaiming about the severity of chill in Pune when a very beautiful lady(lady she was) with a t shirt on  asked for a smoke. I mirrored myself as Frank Abignale and said "is this the one you smoke". She said "yes no problem". She then asked me whether I work or not. I said "YES" and for a organization most of the people hardly "Recognize". Its a strange similarity between Pune and Silchar I found that time. People working for Mphasis as call center employee pose as if they work for Facebook on the similar grounds a magazine secy claims himself to be GS of the college.  I asked what she does. She says"Nothing" and added most of the bunch do the same. Some create music, some are inherits of the most famous "Hukka bar" of the town, some plunder with the huge wealth accumulated by their ancestors. No worry, No AIEEE, no nothing. All silver spooned and all doing great.

The event ended 11.30. I came outside drank a 4 rupee "cutting" and brought a "Dubba" of my brand started the bike and zoomed off in great syle(guys dont laugh). I was in for a Week in which i have to make some 20 excel sheets. Miserable isn't it.

Madhushala

wishes go untold in a place of desire...
the project ended or a place of satire..
denounced meritocrats escapes to the puddle
 in a place of the unfulfilled pleasure...

the bamboo clad house of the corner..
the dreaded mystery of the owner...
saying to be quiet for our sake..
saying drinking could put our careers at stake....

so the story starts like that...
i have witnessed many do like that..
may be the list continue to grow..
i will remember as I immortalized you...

the walls bear witness to the jobs...
the undiluted happiness of the lot...
the budgets are just fine today..
so lets start with a beer today...

one among the crew is sentimental...
says that its the "rum" that always conquers..
so we start again with the glasses...
venuda please fill the plates with "jhaal" again..

the winters of the past see the lights of the summer..
all the felony and the anguish being conquered...
i imagine that they are still alive...
or being buried alive in this too thoughtful world...

in the meantime someone just scorns away...
says that he is the biggest idiot himself...
the most sensitive in the group says...
"leave that" lets light a stick again....

the clock just rolls on... from 8 to 10 pm...
the satiated youths of the future proclaims..
we will meet again some day some time...
the days we are talking about are just hours
and we come and say "open the doors again"...

the sentiments deepen as the alcohol rises..
the trifles and the clashes come to the front...
someone so good says "do not fight"...
the sentimental says "bore mat kar"....

as we again peek through the windows...
the frustrations are causes of our celebrations...
some girlfriends, some project and some of jobs...
all i wonder is we are the same issues of some common joints..

the place which saw me grow..
from a student to a citizen low...
waives her hand to see us all go...
to places we hardly know...

there we tread in the dark again...
i saw my friends cry like a child again...
the mates, the group is all detached..
and the owner says "do come back again"

all the agains and promises are lost ...
we strive in the jungles of the rats..
everybody fighting his own battle...
knowing that winning the rat race...
makes him a rat again.....

emotions go untouched in a place of bliss...
all the peace and calm vanquished...
all i wonder the walls will see them again..
I just say we meet again....

A country of Utopia!!!!

"Oh the affliction of knowing
the starless veil of prying and questioning
which we have laid upon the world
and the challenge to human forbearance
we would lay under a stone a waxen shape
and say, it is a thing of clay
and in clay let it find it end
we would hold our hands a white flame
and say in our heart
It is a fragment of ourselves returning
a breath of our breath that had escaped
and now haunts our hands and lips for more fragrance
Earth, Gods, MY BROTHERS....."

The ceremonial day of completing the 100 day in a new place is accomplished. 1st time out of northeast- a lonely abode we a bunch of 253 graduates from National Institute of Technology thought we would conquer the world. We would make this world a better place to live in. But we got so engrossed with our own lives that country went straight out of our minds. CTC, gross salary, credit cards, cubicles,Baron's, IIMs, mild narcotics, alcohol become so dear to us that we hardly remember that we represent a country of 1.2 billion people, with 71 million illiterates with 68 million of the people living below 348 rupee a month and we are proud to call ourselves as some of the better brains of the country. All I say is LOL- a facebooker description of undiluted pleasure. This piece of essay is not intended towards friends who virtually destroyed their youth for a AIEEE seat(for human counterparts) or a JEE call. The essay aims at  everyone who ever in their lifetime thought I will do something for India and I was no exception to it. Everybody in college who idealize CHE, wear his t-shirts, revisit motorcycle diaries before exams and keep his long cut outs- in more simple words consider themselves to be harbinger of a silent revolution or simply a change. Change we know is evolution and evolution is always slow which always takes time. We are lucky to be surviving in a generation that has seen the 6 solar eclipses, the stupendous growth of technology, the daily life getting better, India traversing for a capital deficient country to a superpower, the US calling for markets to open, the oracle rise of facebook and people getting socially networked rather getting social. Our dreams are young and we knew from the beginning that are we are special who would mold the future world sees India. I want to quote a very great debater who participated in annual debate competition of our college "a student studying 9 hours a day contributes to knowledge capital of India". That day I questioned how come someone who consumes resources that are highly subsidized by GOI cheats, bunks, proxies and yet studying 24 hours a semester scores a GOD level 9.00  contributes to the knowledge capital of the country. The day I joined the job my assumptions got concrete for the rest of my life "I will be earning for either America or to please it". No one in this world full of intellect cares about those who earn bread for us , who toils 18 hours in a field to sustain him. Over the last few years the attrition rate from agriculture in more that 12 million, highest for any industry in India. The GOI in this budget allots 104 crore for suicide prone areas whereas 200 crore for enhancing the greenery of the GOA beaches. We are living in a world full of idealists who consider to change the world upside down in a single planning commission. We in the long walk will be a part of the system- a system that creates, breeds and than nourishes corruption. Institutes of National Importance are what we are called and how significantly we contribute still remains a question. For now I am happy increasing the credit limit of my card or my postpaid connection. I question Am I the only one. I see people getting drunk in the most sophisticated bars and say this life is great. Even I thank Almighty that I am happy getting good food to eat and a good life to lead and not committing suicide even after procuring cereals for my and his subsistence. Thank you God for you have made my life so comfortable, so passive and so America centered. Eventually "all roads lead to York".  I might sound idealist but spare a thought that people of India who pay nearly 120 crore a year for graduating people like us.